


i know the end

by kiyoooooooomi (hoetaku97)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, too much phoebe bridgers is bad for baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29271252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoetaku97/pseuds/kiyoooooooomi
Summary: Tooru feels like a tornado is swallowing the whole prefecture, sirens blaring all around as he makes the walk back to his car. It feels like miles instead of feet. There’s nowhere to hide.The end is here.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	i know the end

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tumbleweedfarm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumbleweedfarm/gifts).



> based on i know the end by phoebe bridgers
> 
> thank u bea for this agonizing inspo

It’s 1:00pm in Miyagi, which means it’s 1:00am in Argentina.

Oikawa eyes the digital clocks green glow in the dark with distaste. Time zones are a real bitch.

He’s been home for twelve hours after being away for… how long? He can hardly remember now. Days bleed together in an endless stream of years and months and tiny infinities. Time doesn’t matter. If Tooru kept up with the hours lost to practice, lost to chasing his grand ambition, he would feel like he’s falling behind. He wonders sometimes if that could have been better spent sometimes. He thinks of dark hair that hangs low over piercing, stormy blue eyes. The image is enough to make him yearn for a quiet life. Time spent chasing his ideals is time not spent holding his (second) greatest love and the bane of his existence.

For Oikawa Tooru and Kageyama Tobio, their relationship always came second to everything else. It felt like they had all the time in the world, when in reality, they are both getting older every day, drifting further apart as years widen the gap between them.

They have reached an age where fantasizing about the unattainable is unacceptable, because daydreams belong to younger men who don’t know themselves half as well, but Tooru can’t help but wonder what might have been in another life. He imagines Christmas by the fire, imagines a wedding, imagines a white picket fence, imagines a house full of screaming snot-nosed kids. Tooru could never be that person, and he knows the same is true of Tobio. 

It feels tragic, it feels like a robbery, it feels like something has been stolen that can’t be brought back.

It’s a half life they’ve been living, and it’s somehow both more and less than they both deserve.

Tooru feels around in his sheets for the phone lost somewhere in the wreckage, fingers finally finding purchase. The blue light burns his eyes but he still manages to find the contact he’s searching for, sending a quick text and rolling back over, staring into the blackness once more.

_ I guess the end is near. _

**________________________**

The clock on the dash reads 6:30pm when Tooru puts his car in park in the lot by a playground approximately two blocks from Karasuno Highschool. The streets are dead silent, no one to be seen in the general vicinity, save for the tall silhouette on the rusty swing set, getting rocking back and forth. The image is so uncharacteristically childish, Tooru almost laughs. Almost.

He pulls his coat tighter around himself and he steps out into the freshly fallen snow. The snow is clear except for the parallel tracks leading up to the playground left by himself and presumably Tobio. Tooru, for whatever reason, never lets the messy lines intersect.

“Tobio-chan, you came,” Tooru says once he’s within earshot.

“You knew I would,” Tobio says with that flat, deadpan voice of his. At first his tone had grated Tooru’s nerves, but now he finds it oddly endearing. His heart has already begun to fracture.

_ I guess the end is near. _

Tooru settles himself into the swing beside Tobio, the old chains creaking under his weight. He half-heartedly shifts his weight on his feet, gently rocking himself back and forth the same way Tobio had done.

“You always hated snow.”

“I still do.”

Tobio makes no indications that he plans to continue the conversation, and it makes Tooru  _ angry _ . He grits his teeth in frustration. It’s always been silence with Tobio, even when Tooru needed him most. Even knowing Tobio the way Tooru does, knowing he wants more than Tobio could give, he had always hoped.

Tooru speaks before he can think of better of it. “I always hated you, you know?”

“I know. You still do, I think.” Tobio isn’t looking at Tooru, staring out into the fleeting rays of the sun drenching them both.

“Sometimes, maybe. Or maybe I hate myself. I can’t tell anymore. I know I hate the way you didn’t try harder. I hate the way I’m sitting in this swing having this conversation when all I want is to go home and live in a world where you don’t exist.”

Tobio doesn’t speak for a long time. He’s creating patterns in the snow with his right foot, getting pushing and pulling it back and forth.

When he finally opens his mouth, it’s just above a whisper. “Words are wasted on you, Oikawa-san,” Tooru flinches at the formality in his words, “You will always end up leaving me behind anyway, or I’ll end up leaving you. There’s only one way for this to end. I’ve always come second, and so have you. You know it as well as I do.”

“So if words are wasted on me,” Tooru repeats slowly, carefully, ensuring he understands correctly, “this conversation is pointless.”

“Delaying the inevitable,” Tobio says, unsheathing his blade, his words as sharp as a knife. He plunges it where it hurts most, and Tooru feels like gasping for air. 

“Then this is the end.” 

“It was always coming.” Tobio still won’t look at Tooru and it’s driving Tooru insane because  _ why why why won’t you look at me please look at me. _

Tooru rises to his feet, turning to go. He doesn’t spare Tobio a backwards glance, and Tobio makes no moves to follow. 

Tooru feels like a tornado is swallowing the whole prefecture, sirens blaring all around as he makes the walk back to his car. It feels like miles instead of feet. There’s nowhere to hide.

_ The end is here. _

Tooru drives towards the sun, bathed in the last ultraviolet rays. He rolls the windows down because he needs  _ air _ and for some reason there doesn’t seem to be enough. His lungs heave with heavy sobs, and he wants nothing more than to scream, so he does. Tooru pulls his cracked, dry lips back into a scream that’s all anguish and grief, warm salty tears coating his cheeks. Tooru’s world is ending, the earth is cracking and fracturing around him.

Tooru had always thought of Tobio as home. Tobio was always his safe haven, a place of refuge. Tobio is interwoven in all of the things that molded and shaped Tooru, but it’s alright, he’ll find a new place to be from.

Tooru glances in the rearview mirror. The park is desolate, empty.

_ I guess the end is here. _

  
  
  
  



End file.
